Done with Breastfeeding, What Now?
If you’re anything like me, then you loved breastfeeding. It had its ups and its downs but it made my boobs look amazing. They were bigger and they had a bit of weight to them. I loved that they finally had a purpose other than looking good in a low cut top, but also, they looked even more amazing in a low cut top. I know that’s pure vanity but I’m not ashamed. It made me feel more attractive. I loved filling out a top and it made me feel more feminine.
Cut to a year later and my milk flow has ebbed and is coming to a near stand still. This wouldn’t be so bad. At least I’ve managed to cut down on those dreaded breast pads and their sogginess, like wearing nappies on my boobs. But with lack of milk flow comes a drop in size. they’re nearly back to the same size that they previously were but with some of the extra skin that appeared when they grew.
Some days I look at my once glorious girls and I’m happy with them not being so perky, I don’t mind that they seem to look at the floor more now a days and although they have lost a bit of their bounce I know that they are badges of honour. Reminders of a time when I sacrificed for my children. The times when I fed them using nothing but my body. I had a superpower. There were times when i wished for another superpower, like the ability to create warmth when I was sat at a freezing cold bus stop with my little one and she wanted feeding.. in December! But being able to nourish my children was still a fantastic superpower and I loved every minute of it, even the awkward minutes.
But then there’s days like today, and the reason I’m writing this post today. I look in the mirror and remember how they felt when they were filled with milk. How amazing they looked and how great it was to be noticed in a low cut top or even a jumper that covered everything but still had to stretch over my bountiful pair. It’s days like this that I find myself browsing sites like Local Breast Enhancement. I contemplate just getting it done. Making them big and firm again. I don’t know if I could, I mean, like I said, some days I’m happy with my battle scars.
It’s this indecisiveness that keeps me from going ahead with it. My husband says he loves me they way I am, that my breasts are just as beautiful as they have always been. I hope he means it but a part of me, that nagging voice inside us all that fills us with doubt chirps in, tells me that I was more attractive before. This isn’t to say that I regret breastfeeding my children, I don’t. It’s not even breastfeeding that causes the droop, pregnancy does that. In fact breastfeeding helps fight sag. It just didn’t help enough.
I’m sure we all have our own moments self doubt, it can’t just be me. Most days I’m a carefree, self confident woman that loves her life and her family. It’s just the few days like this that makes me think, if I got it done, would it make everything a little more perfect? I’m sure some of you out there can understand what is going on in my head while others are already living their perfect lives without even contemplating this kind of surgery.
For now, I’ve decided not to get any surgery done. To learn to love myself more and be happy with all the wonderful people in my life and feel blessed. Of course, this doesn’t stop me having the odd day when I think of having a head to toe mommy makeover at my top local cosmetic surgeons. But at the end of the day, I know that if I have to love myself for who I am, and when I can do that then maybe a bit of surgery will help me. I hope you all can love yourselves too, you’re all beautiful ladies and you’re all warriors.